


Guilty

by destielwithashotgun



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: A little bit of hurt Wes, Family whump, Guilty Lauren, Hurt Andy, andy-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 23:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielwithashotgun/pseuds/destielwithashotgun
Summary: This takes place in season 1 episode 11, except I changed almost all of it.When Wes had kept Lauren from blaming herself, he didn't realize she put the blame on her brother instead. During the Trask Attack on Fairbury, she leaves Andy alone and must deal with the guilt when he gets hurt, as well as helping him fight for his life.





	Guilty

"Lauren, her death was not your fault. You cant blame yourself, trust me. That only makes it worse. If you have to, put the blame on someone else. Trask labs, Sentinel Services, the Goddamn president I don't know. But never blame yourself. We need you to be strong. I need you to be strong." Wes pulled her into a hug, and Lauren tried to keep from crying. Then he left, giving her much needed time to herself. He told her to blame somebody else if she needed too. Well, she needed to put the blame on somebody. She blamed Trask labs for the Hound Program, she blamed Sentinel Services for helping them, but she also blamed her brother. Andy. Together they could have brought the building down. They could have protected Clarice and Sonya. They were capable enough. It didn't matter if a few agents got killed, especially with what they were doing to mutants everywhere. But Andy had cowered away. They could have escaped. Instead, he let them get arrested. And if they hadn't been arrested...Sonya wouldn't be dead. 

She avoided her brother like the plague after that, which wasn't hard considering the way he was sulking around. But they couldn't avoid confrontation. Andy didn't know anything was wrong yet. He thought she was on his side, thought that they could convince their parents to let them go back to Atlanta. But she didn't feel that way. If anything, she wanted to stay at Fairbury. She could stay with Wes then. But later that night, when they were forced to bunk together, Andy saw her get up and leave the room. Of freaking course he followed her, like a puppy. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? But apparently he needed to speak to her, so she turned around and made her fury known. "Andy, shut up ok!? We can't go back to Atlanta, why can't you get that through your head? We can't help them, and its our fault that one of theirs is dead.... no actually, its your fault Sonya's dead." she watched him reel back as if she had struck him. 

"Lauren...what's going-" she cut him off. Now that she was going, she couldn't stop until she let it all out, and she didn't want too. She wanted Andy to know what he did. 

"NO! If you hadn't been such a coward, we wouldn't have been taken. We wouldn't have worried our parents, we wouldn't have been tortured, and SONYA WOULDNT BE DEAD!" His sharp intake of breath made her feel guilty, just for a second. But she turned away from his bewildered face and felt the traces of remorse fade away as she made her way back to the bedroom. Any wish for fresh air, the original reason she had gotten up, was gone. Andy didn't come back to the room that night. She didn't expect him to. But she also didn't expect what happened the next day. She didn't expect to regret her words so soon. She didn't expect her brother to be fighting for his life because of her. 

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The following day, as Andy stayed uncharacteristically quiet and Lauren asked her parents if they might be able to stay for longer, the wall in front of them exploded. Trask Labs was there. The Struckers huddled behind Wes as Reed, unable to stay still during an attack, out a battle plan which involved Lauren and Andy working together. Somehow, the adults had not noticed Andy's reaction to his sister that day, or if they did they thought it was because of their abrupt move. Making sure to stay behind the mirage Wes was struggling to keep up, the siblings moved until Andy had a good aim at the agents. Laurens job was to protect Andy while he did his best to break apart the cars and weapons the agents were using. She didn't have any emotion left to spare for her brother though, numbly holding up a shield and refusing to make eye contact with her brother. Bullets and other things ricocheted away from them as Andy, face scrunched in concentration, tore things apart. 

Andy was not her main concern at the moment though, because she refused to feel anything toward him. Instead, Wes took the place Andy usually filled, and out of the corner of her eye she saw him struggling to keep up the mirage. Debris was falling awfully close to him, and then for a white hot moment the only thing she could think was that she needed to get to him before he got hurt or...killed. Grunting, she pulled away from Andy, doing her best to keep the Shield up in front of him while she ran to Wes. She hoped she could keep both of the boys protected, but when Andy looked toward her with desperate eyes as she kneeled next to Wes, they made eye contact and her concentration broke and the shield fell. Her brother, who wasn't paying attention in favor of looking towards her couldn't react in time. 

In slow motion, she saw him get hit, saw his eyes widen briefly as he was thrown back into the wall and the shelves behind him. Then it turned fast and she heard her mom scream Andy's name at the same moment Wes groaned and Lauren half turned toward him, her emotions in conflict. She was trying to fight down the concern for her brother, telling herself he would be fine, her parents were already with him, he deserved this. It wasn't working. But she also had unwavering concern for Wes, who was clearly struggling, his face the color of spoiled milk and his arms were shaking. Her dad was on the phone now, talking to someone desperately. Lauren didn't try to listen in, to worried about the agents still surrounding them to think about anything else. 

The next few minutes were slow as much as they were fast, a harsh reality that felt like it belonged somewhere else, happening to someone else instead of them, the Struckers who, until a few weeks ago, were a regular suburban family. But this was where they were. And at the same time Marcos, Lorna, Clarice, and John burst in, arms covering their faces, Wes gasped and then collapsed into her as the mirage fell and excited shouts from outside invaded their ears. "I'm...sorry." Wes groaned and out of the corner of her eye she saw her dad lifting Andy into his arms, saw John and Lorna come to stand in front of them to cover the two as Marcos lifted Wes so he had an arm around each of their shoulders. Clarice led the way out. Lauren tried to ignore the way that her dad carried the unconscious form of her brother in his arms, his head lolling against Reed's shoulder. Instead, she focused on Wes who was leaning on her and Marcos, a pale sheen of sweat on his forehead, looking close to passing out. 

They made it to the woods, but the trees offered no comfort as John told them that they were surrounded by agents who would find them soon. There was no time or space for Clarice to make a portal, nor was there any way for them to escape stealthily. They were crouching in the bushes when Andy's eyes flew open and he easily said "That way. Go that way. They said it was safe." And then he rolled out of their dads grip and sprinted toward the road. Lauren pushed down the relief she felt when she saw Andy up and running. She still had to take care of Wes, who was looking worse every minute. She drew up short when she saw the Frost sisters standing by two sleek SUV's. Andy collapsed then, John barely catching him before he hit the ground and they all realized at the same time that Andy was definitely not fine. He had been used as a puppet to lead them where they needed to go. The adults glared at the triplets, but after a quick exchange they knew the only thing they could do was get in the cars before they were caught. And Lauren was not going back to that place again. 

She was lucky enough to be in a separate car than the rest of her family, who she knew would blame her for leaving her brothers side during the attack. Lorna, her, Wes, and Marcos were in one car, her brother, her parents, John, and Clarice were in the other. Two of the Frost sisters were in their car. One was in the other. Sophie and Phoebe were with them. While Phoebe was driving, Sophie crawled in the back with them. She sent a fake look of sympathy at them, who were huddled around Wes's now unconscious body. "Looks like somebody managed to exhaust himself. And-" she put her hand on his forehead. Lauren snarled a simple "don't touch him!" while Lorna and Marcos crowded closer to Wes and let their powers show a bit. "He seems to have developed a fever." Lauren wanted to scream at her condescending, fake perky attitude. But instead she held it in, trying to be grateful that the sisters got them out of Fairbury alive. If only they had come sooner, then Wes wouldn't be unconscious and Andy wouldn't have the concussion that he probably did. She refused to feel guilty about that too. He deserved it. Besides, who would only need a few painkillers and some rest and he would be fine, right? Turns out she was wrong. She was so wrong.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 

They finally managed to make it to HQ, and Lauren got out of the car, stretching the cramps from her muscles and reaching up to help Wes, who had regained consciousness sometime during the ride but was still incredibly weak. The other car pulled in behind them and Lauren turned to look, totally unprepared when her dad and John leaped out of the car and rushed inside shouting to each other, Andy's body between them. Startled, she turned toward Clarice and her mom, who was sobbing as Clarice held her. Lorna rushed to their side as Marcos asked in a steely calm voice what happened. Stuttering, Clarice started to explain, since Caitlin was in no way able to speak through her sobs. Dread rushed through Lauren and she took a half step forward, forgetting about the person she was supporting for a minute, as she felt the blood leave her face. 

"We thought maybe he had just hit his head, gotten a concussion but we didn't h-have time to look over him c-carefully. When we looked at him in the car, he wouldn't wake up. Your mom said he had some internal injuries, and then John thought that maybe he had a brain injury too. There was debris stuck in his stomach, a bullet wound on his arm, and a clearly broken hand." She started to talk more, and then stopped herself, looking at Laurens mom who was trying to pull herself together. She wanted to say something, it was clear but she was too worried about Caitlin to risk voicing. At the moment, Lauren didn't share the same sentiment. 

"Clarice, please, tell me what's going on." The purple haired woman eyed Laurens mom and then set her sights on Marcos and Lauren, who were halfway to sprinting into the building. Marcos came over to take Wes's weight from Lauren, who excepted gratefully and then stood waiting, fists clenched. 

"Lauren, his heart stopped before we got here. John and your dad had to do artificial respiration and-" Lauren didn't wait for her to be finished, taking off toward the doors and flying through them, startling the crowd of people John and Reed had attracted when they burst through the room carrying Andy Strucker. Oh God. No no no no no. This was not what she wanted. She had thought he just had a concussion, he would be fine. She had never thought he was going to die. He could still die. They were an underground resistance! They didn't have access to a hospital, or to the supplies they would need to keep him alive. She stopped short in the door of the infirmary, not willing to see the pale body on the bed up close. It was probably the reason their mom wasn't in there yet. Nobody wanted to see their son dying and not be able to do anything about it. 

She knew it was her fault. She pulled away. She let him alone to fend for himself against the onslaught of bullets and debris flying toward him. She had nobody to blame now. Lauren knew that she never should have blamed Andy in the first place. But she didn't want to blame herself. There was nothing she could do against Trask and Sentinel Services, so she chose the next best option. And Goddamn it her brother didn't even do anything wrong! But the guilt that had been crushing her came out in the form of anger and stupidly, she chose to direct it at him. There were tears gathered in her eyes now as she gripped the doorframe so hard her fingers turned white. 

Marcos was suddenly next to her, surveying the room and then gently pushing past her with Wes unconscious again in his arms. He gently deposited the boy in one of the beds before moving to help Reed and John who were hovering over Andy. Lauren tried to get her feet to move, but she couldn't do it. She was paralyzed. Somebody touched her shoulder and turned her around. Blindly, Lauren turned and sobbed into Lorna's shirt. In the room, John threw down something and yelled "Damn it!" Marcos called to Lorna. 

"Get Flash! We can't do much for him here." Lauren knew who Flash was. It was a popular TV show and comic book before mutants became real and people refused to read or watch that kind of thing. The Flash was a mutant who could run faster than sound. So when a mutant came to the underground possessing the same power, he chose his code name after the vigilante from the show and it became his nickname. Nobody ever really called him by his real name anymore (Jack), which kind of defeated the purpose of a code name. 

Lorna left to find the man and Lauren finally got the courage to step into the room. Marcos and John didn't pay her any attention but her dad made eye contact with her and headed over, putting an arm around his daughter. "I'm sorry." she choked out quietly. Her dad shook his head. 

"It's ok. Don't blame yourself." But Lauren wasn't going to listen to that, because that was the thing that started this whole mess anyway. A blur of colors whizzed past her and stopped at the foot of the bed Andy was laying on. Flash. She watched Marcos converse quietly with the man while John tried to clear away the blood covering Andy's chest to get a better look at the wounds there, his shirt long since removed. Flash nodded at Marcos and then hurried to Andy and carefully lifted him into his arms. Lauren started a little, but her dad held onto her shoulders and pulled her back as Flash sped out of the room carrying her brother. He obviously knew what was going on. All three adults looked grim. Lorna moved toward Lauren and pulled her to the side when Reed let go of her to walk toward the other two. 

"Lorna what's going on." She looked frantically toward the empty bed and then toward the mutant who had grabbed her hand and was staring at Marcos with a look that showed she understood what was happening. Lorna looked back at Lauren. 

"Listen Lauren, we can't do enough for him here. He needs a real hospital. Flash can get to him to North Carolina and to a hospital there in about half an hour so he can get treated correctly." Lauren looked desperately at her dad, who was refusing to meet her eyes. 

"What!? No, they'll know he's a mutant. He's going to get arrested again!" her breaths were frantic and uneven as she tried to twist away from Lorna and look at her dad, who looked guilty. 

"Lauren, calm down! North Carolina has a bit of a better policy there about treating mutants, so even if they do find out he is one, they will help him first. But if he stays here, he's going to die Lauren, you know this." One sob escaped her throat. Lorna let her go and she turned toward the door, planning to run away from the red still staining the bed sheets and stopping short when she see's her mom standing in the doorway, paler than she had ever been. 

"Where is he?" her voice was demanding, but Lauren heard it breaking behind the strength put into it and knew that she couldn't be there when everything was explained to her, couldn't try to comfort her mom when it was her fault Andy was dying. It was her fault Andy was gone. And she couldn't try to stay controlled because she was moments from breaking apart. She took off in a sprint, heard Clarice call her name and ignored it, flying outside until she was in the tree's surrounding the old building. There, she screamed until her voice broke off and turned into a raspy sob. She flung a shield up but it did nothing. For the first time she wished she had Andy's power to destroy because she needed to let it out somehow. Her grief for Sonya, her guilt for Andy, her anger at the world and her fear of everything that was going on around her was crushing her, and she couldn't breathe. Was this what a panic attack felt like? She couldn't remember. She'd only had one before, back when her powers first showed and she was worried her dad was going to arrest her. 

Later, after what felt like hours, she stood and wiped the dirt from the forest floor off of herself, not bothering to hide the tear tracks that made their way onto her face. She was glad nobody had seen her breakdown, less glad now that she needed to put up a front and be strong until Andy got back and she needed to fight for his forgiveness. She wondered where the Frost sisters had gone, but that wasn't her main concern. People turned toward each other as she walked past them and whispered, but she stared at the ground. She deserved this. It was all her fault. 

She found her mom sitting in their empty room, which had luckily not yet been taken over by another mutant. They no longer had any possessions because they didn't have time to spare grabbing them during the attack. Caitlin was staring at Andy's empty bed, and when she noticed Lauren she held an arm out without saying anything. Lauren didn't know if she should go over there or not. Her mom didn't seem mad at her. But she needed her mom's comfort as much as her mom needed hers, and though she felt she didn't deserve it she slipped onto the bed next to her. Caitlin pulled her close. For a while, nobody said anything. 

"I'm sorry." Lauren whispered, feeling tears coming to her eyes again and furiously trying to blink them away. Her mom took a different approach than her dad. Still not looking at her daughter, she replied. 

"I know you are. I don't know if it's going to be ok. But I'm not mad at you. I know you're going through something I can't even begin to imagine. It's...well, it's hard." Lauren nodded against her moms shoulder but suddenly she was feeling cold creeping into her chest. A mix of relief and disappointment settled in her gut, along with something else she couldn't place. She was sort of glad her mom wasn't mad at her, but at the same time she felt like they needed to be mad at her for what she caused. If Andy died, it would be all her fault and she wanted them to recognize that. She pulled away from her mom. 

Her mom nodded and sent her a smile that seemed too sad to be something real. Caitlin knew without saying anything what her daughter was going through, and didn't press for details. She let Lauren go, and for that Lauren really was grateful. 

Flash and Andy were gone for a week, the entire time raising concern from the mutants who knew what was going on. Wes was still exhausted and mostly stayed in bed in the infirmary, which meant she didn't need to have the heart to heart talk with him she knew would happen if she went to visit. She mostly avoided the infirmary altogether, where her mom was working and where the haunted image of Andy bleeding out on the bed impressed itself into her brain. Her parents worked hard, constantly moving to avoid thinking about their sons condition, which they knew nothing about. Nobody knew anything actually, Flash apparently dubbing any sort of communication with the underground too dangerous to attempt. 

Lauren did her best to work at whatever task needed doing, but at the same time she was trying to avoid having any close interaction with her family, and that included Lorna, Marcos, John, and Clarice. They all tried to talk to her at some point, but whenever they casually slipped it into a conversation, she made some excuse to leave. She barely conversed with any of them unless it included talking to them about what job she should do next. It wasn't like she had a lot of stuff to do though. Most of the jobs she could do were finished quickly and when she was sure there was nothing else to do, she was forced to retreat to the woods and be left alone with her thoughts.

They came back on the eighth day. Lauren was showing around a new group of refugees when suddenly, Clarice was at her side. She turned quickly, already knowing what she was going to say. "They're back" was all that was needed before Lauren dropped the blankets she had been giving to them and ran toward the infirmary. At that moment, her speed could probably rival Flash's. 

When she got to the room, her parents were hovering over a bed and Marcos and John were discussing something with Flash, who looked exhausted. Wes was sitting up in the bed on the other side of the room, and he raised his eyebrows at her and smiled sadly. At least he knew why she had been absent. She couldn't imagine Wes being mad at her. "He was to weak to be moved before yesterday, and even today I don't think he is very strong. We are lucky he survived both trips. But we had to leave today, because I think some of the hospital staff were getting a little bit suspicious. I was actually planning on moving him yesterday but there had been some action by Sentinel Services the day before and I thought we should lay low for a bit." 

Lauren still didn't make a move toward the bed, frozen the way she had been the first day, standing in the doorway. "What did you tell them when you brought him in?" Marcos asked. Lauren turned slightly. She wanted to hear this, and it gave her an opportunity to stall. 

"I didn't say anything when we first went in, and luckily they were too busy trying to check his pulse and stuff to ask. It's good that neither of us are obvious mutants because we probably would have been screwed if that was the case. I told them that pacifiers thought that he was a mutant because there were others around him. He got caught up in that fight, and one of the men had a gun. They took the story pretty well, said they already had a few victims with the same story over and over again. Some of them got pretty mad the the pacifiers. They had to do some surgeries and put him in a medically induced coma for a few days. Since then he has woken up a few times, though the first few he wasn't very understandable. I got everything he should need when I signed him out AMA, but if we need more I can always go back and steal." Marcos nodded. Flash walked out and Lauren was stuck. She could either run away, or she could brave looking at her brother. She had waited a week, she could wait a bit more. But, she had also waited a week. This was her chance, so she was going to take it. 

She stepped up toward the bed, and her dad put an arm around her. Her mom grabbed her hand and Lauren stared at her brother. He wasn't as pale as he was before, but his pallor was slightly off and his eyes were ringed with dark circles. Bandages covered part of his head, scrapes were visible on his face, and his arms was in a cast. There were more bandages everywhere, some with a bit of red bleeding through. At least his heartbeat seemed steady and he breathed easy. But Lauren couldn't look at him any longer. She took one step backwards, and then slowly took another, then spun and almost ran out the doors again before Wes caught her eye. She made her way over to his bed, grateful that he wasn't that close to Andy's. He watched her with careful eyes and then held his arms out, and she gratefully accepted his hug. "Are you ok?" he muttered. Then he corrected himself. "Sorry, dumb question. Are you going to be ok?" She pulled away and shook her head. 

"I don't know Wes. It's my fault that Andy nearly died and now he's in that bed and he's hurt and my parents aren't mad but-but they should be and Andy is never going to forgive me because I l-left him alone during the attack and I was supposed to protect him-" she didn't realize she was crying again (not to mention rambling) until Wes grabbed her and pulled her close to him again. "I blamed him. I made him feel guilty for Sonya's death and it wasn't his fault! The last thing I did was yell at him! He thinks I hate him now!" her voice was muffled by Wes's shirt.

"No, Lauren, he knows you love him. He knows what you're going through because he's going through the same thing." That just made her feel worse. 

"That's the point though, Wes! He was already going through the same thing I was, and I just made it worse! Plus, I'm the one that snapped at him even though he could have snapped at me too. I'm a horrible person Wes! And my parents know this, but they refuse to be mad at me when they should be!" she was quiet for a minute. Across the room, her parents became excited, and something thudded in her gut. Andy was awake. She saw his body shift under the sheet but her parents were blocking her view and she was happy about that. Wes noticed the way she stiffened and followed her gaze toward Andy's bed. Lauren stood shakily. "I have to leave." Wes caught her arm. 

"Wait Lauren. If you want to fix this, you have to talk to him. He'll forgive you, but it's just going to get worse if you ignore the problem." she knew he was right, but once again, her muscles wouldn't do what her brain was telling them too. Slowly, she made her way over to the bed. Andy's eyes widened and he gave her a small, sad smile when they made contact. Sensing that they wanted to speak alone, her parents, though it must have killed them, moved out of the room. Her mouth was dry, but before she could say anything, Andy spoke. 

"I'm sorry!" he blurted out, expression turning guilty. Wait, what? Why was Andy apologizing? Her shock stopped her from contradicting him immediately, and he took her silence as urging him to go on. "I know we could have escape if I wasn't such a coward and I know I caused Sonya's death and I'm really sorry so do you think you can forgive me? I mean, I just got scared and I shouldn't have done that I know I just..." she cut him off before he could say anymore. 

"No Andy stop." he looked hurt and Lauren immediately felt bad because she knew he thought she was stopping him because she was mad. She continued. "You don't need to apologize for anything, it wasn't your fault. Nothing was. I was just mad and I know that I shouldn't have blown up on your like that and I'm the one who should be sorry. Plus, I...I left you during the attack and I let you get hurt. You have no idea how sorry I am for that. You shouldn't even forgive me because I just blew up and there's only so many times I can apologize but the bottom line is...it's not your fault and I'm so sorry." She was crying again, but once she finished it was only tears rolling silently down her face. 

Andy was silent, but when he looked up at her his eyes were dry. "It's ok. I forgive you." She looked up, startled and Andy gave her a small grin. "What? you didn't want to be forgiven?" 

"No, I just..." he smiles again, like he completely understood. 

"You don't think you deserve to be forgiven" he said quietly. Cheeks flaming, Lauren nodded. "It's ok. I know why you acted the way you did. I went through the same thing as you did, remember? I know how you felt. I know how you feel right now. But I'm used to keeping my emotions in, and you had to get yours out. I understand." Lauren almost laughed, still crying and part hysterical in the way he had forgiven her. 

"God, I love you Andy." His smile was tired and mischievous as he replied, 

"I know." 

When their parents came in, both were asleep in his cot, careful of the wires and IV lines connected to his body.


End file.
